401k Savings: The money you put into a retirement account that has 25% less value today than it did a week ago. The odds are 4 to 1 that you will actually need this money because at the present rate the government’s social security system will “retire” long before you do.
Consumer Credit: Credit extended to individuals for purchasing consumer goods and services. May also be called “consumer cocaine” because after being freely offered to get consumers hooked, the country went into withdrawal when the credit supply dried up.
Day Trading: What many of us wish we could do with elected officials. As in trade for a day with them so they can see how it feels to be on the short end of the stick for once.
Elected Official: A sworn government leader who pledges to “Do as I please and not as I said I would.”
Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008: The bill signed into law by President Bush in response to the 2008 Wall Street crash. The term “Emergency” was added to the title to preemptively identify the new crisis that may result from the addition of billions in pork barrel spending (including a modification of rum tax; economic development credits for American Samoa; seven year cost recovery for motorsport racing track facility; modification of duty for wool products; film and television production expensing rules extension; and tax credits for employers who support employees that ride bikes to work).
Employer Benefits: Vital employment perks that McCain and Obama would have you believe will not be affected if your employer has to pay more payroll taxes, or if you have to pay taxes on health care benefits. This term may become obsolete and be replaced with “Unemployment Benefits” as more people lose their jobs because of “employer benefits.”
Health Insurance: A type of insurance available to those who are healthy. Coverage may be denied to anyone who admits to having ever had a headache. Note: If you forget to include the headache you had in 1998 on your insurance application, and this serious omission is later uncovered by your insurance company; they can refuse to honor their policy and not pay on your claim for breast cancer treatment.
Lip Stick on A Pig: A phrase considered acceptable for use by John McCain when referring to Hillary Clinton, but not acceptable for use by Barack Obama when referring in the abstract. No pig is actually harmed when this phrase is used; however, a candidate’s credibility may be.
Medical Bankruptcy Laws: Legislation that “insures” those without health insurance who file bankruptcy due to enormous medical bills will also lose their home along with their health.
Middle Class: The group of people in an income bracket that is not officially defined by the U.S. government but one that politicians fight for the most. No one knows who the middle class really are, but they are often stuck in the “middle” of candidate’s arguments over how much “they” will benefit if a particular candidate is elected into office.
Mortgage: A loan agreement on a piece of paper worth more than the current value of your home.
Political Campaign: The plan of action designed to attract more voters through deception (see “political promises.”) This is largely accomplished by accusing one’s opponent of wanting to inflict as much “pain” as possible on the economy and tax payers.
Political Promise: See, “Lie.”
Social Security: The program for our golden years that Bush wanted to privatize by letting everyone put their money into the stock market. Privatization might work if the government promises unlimited "Emergency Economic Stabilization Acts" every time Wall Street crashes.
Subprime Mortgage Loan: A type of loan that that submerges the borrower into debt they cannot afford making homeowners "prime" candidates for foreclosure.
Tax Credits: An amount that only appears as a line item on tax returns and does not “credit” any actual funds into your bank account.
Tax Cuts: The imaginary savings promised by politicians before they are even approved by Congress.
Tax Increases: What politicians accuse each other of voting for while promising not to do it themselves (and then do anyhow, once in office). Note: In political terms new taxes on things never before taxed (like health benefits) apparently do not count as tax “increases.”
Wall Street: The place where you can get rich, lose it all, and still be rich. Perks include $3 million day spa retreats paid for by the Government.
